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Thursday, Jul 10, 2014
The Sun

Things I know to be true


Periodically, when I'm in the lobby of a doctor's office or waiting for the oil to be changed in my car, I pick up whatever magazine is nearby to pass the time.

The other week, it was "O" magazine. It's hard to tell which issue it was because Oprah always puts herself on every cover, but she has a column in the very back called "Things I Know to be True."

She usually writes of sentimental and fundamental things. Things designed to be life-changing or at least life-affirming. Most of them I agree with. And as I was reading this column, I began wondering about the things I know to be true.

I started writing them down whenever I thought of one and came up with my own list. Here are a few of my rambling thoughts, in no particular order.

Mom was right. Life is like a roll of toilet paper - it goes faster the closer you get to the end. (It's almost August already?)

As soon as you finally get around to entering someone's email address into your contacts list, they will send you an email telling you they changed it.

If you wash your car, it'll rain. If you mow the grass it'll rain. If you plan a day at the beach, it'll rain.

When you take your vehicle to the mechanic because it's making a funny noise, it won't make the funny noise in front of the mechanic.

When you find the perfect pair of shoes in a store, invariably they don't have them in your size.

If you're not the lead dog on a dog sled team, the view is all the same.

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

Wine is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. He has also given us Godiva chocolate. Want to be extra happy? Get a bottle of chocolate wine!

Once you find a product that's the perfect size, the perfect price and does exactly what you want it to do, they'll stop making it.

The same is true for business.

On the day you have the most customers coming into your business, you will have at least one employee out sick. On your least busy day, you'll be overstaffed.

If a co-worker brings treats into the breakroom, they'll all be gone before it's time for your break.

As soon as you put in the monthly order for office supplies, you'll find something else you are out of.

You can work extra hard to get through that pile of work on your desk, but when you come in the next morning, there will be a new stack. I think it's elves.

No one can do a presentation with electronics without something breaking or without some kind of glitch. No one.

See what I mean?

Now, none of these stream of consciousness thoughts will change the world or even change one life. It won't help your business or make you any money. I doubt Oprah will let me ghost write her column any time soon. But if even one of these made you smile today, then it was worth taking the time to write them down. And if you have a One Sure Truth you'd like to share, send it to me - I can always use a smile myself!

Dana Dittmar is the executive director of the Sun City Center Area Chamber of Commerce.