If the judge in the civil trial between Todd Schnitt and Bubba "The Love Sponge" Clem decides the case needs a change of venue, I have the perfect spot. Just order them both into a muddy pig pen and let them maul one another until someone drops.
Loser leaves town and the airwaves for good.
But that's just me.
By the way, I just broke a personal oath to never write the words "Bubba The Love Sponge Clem" in any context for this newspaper. I promise to feel bad about that.
On one level, I find it hilarious that the aggrieved Todd is throwing a Schnitt fit because he says SpongeClem made derogatory remarks about him and his wife.
If this is true, I'm shocked, I tell you! Shocked!
Mr. Sponge is such a mild man of manners, a genteel and sensitive soul. To suggest he would ever make derogatory remarks about anyone is, um, what's the word?
Redundant? Obvious? Yo, duh?
The Clemster's career path has been that of a bully with a microphone, heaping mockery on any number of people countless numbers of times, mostly because he could. I guess that passes as humor for some.
I especially remember the time he ridiculed the wife of a Tampa Tribune colleague for sobbing at the trial of the drunken driver who slammed into her car, killing one daughter and severely injuring another.
SpongeBub, clever lad, must have felt very proud that day.
Bubba is on a first-name basis with the FCC, which has fined him repeatedly and once concluded his brand of "entertainment" was "designed to pander to, titillate and shock listeners."
But entertaining as it might be to see Clem writing a large check for mouth-inflicted carnage, would the money have to go to Schnitt?
This is the same guy, according to dailypaul.com, who told a Gulf War veteran that anyone supporting Ron Paul was a "paulsie" and "uneducated." His shtick is equal parts fear-mongering, insult-flinging and sky-is-falling hyperbole.
Civil discourse makes for lousy radio ratings, you know.
Yeah, but Clem once treated listeners to sounds of squealing and screeching that sounded a lot like a wild boar being slaughtered and barbequed. Clem blames Schnitt for pressing State Attorney Mark Ober into filing animal cruelty charges against him and three others (all were acquitted).
Schnitt and Clem have been radio rivals for years, but this is way beyond that. According to court papers, Schnitt says Clem threatened "to kill the midget" (presumably him) and described Schnitt's wife in offensive terms I don't care to repeat.
Jury selection in this trial began Monday, and at least 140 potential jurors are expected to be interviewed before the show – I mean, proceedings – begin. The judge told them to expect the trial to last three weeks.
I have been called for jury duty four times in my life, including last summer. I have never tried to get out of it because it's one of the things we have to do as free people. I might have made an exception this time.
I could have claimed a migraine. I wouldn't have been lying.