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Monday, Sep 15, 2014

Blood, Violence and Babes

A B-Movie Holy Grail by John Allman

If you’ve surfed the DVR pay-per-view options and seen a bunch of movies that you’ve never heard of, chances are John has watched them. Why? He loves movies. All kinds of movies. Good, bad, so-bad-they’re good, even the truly unwatchable ones. He mostly loves horror and science-fiction and drive-in exploitation movies that most upstanding model citizens wouldn’t dare watch. Then he writes up his thoughts so you can decide - watch, don’t watch or avoid at all costs. Sometimes he even gets to talk to the cool folks who make some of your favorite films.

New Releases for Tuesday, June 24


Published:   |   Updated: June 25, 2014 at 02:49 PM

What’s new in stores and on video shelves this week:

 

The Jungle

Genre: Found Footage

Directed by: Andrew Traucki

Run time: 84 minutes

Rating: R

Format: DVD

 

The Lowdown: “The Jungle” may possibly be the worst “found footage” movie yet to be released.

 

I can personally attest to the amount of anger and frustration you will feel upon wasting 84 minutes waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting for something to happen, and then when that something – a mythical ‘forest demon’ – does finally appear, the creature looks like a man in a cheap Party City gorilla costume with tiny bulbs for eyes to make them glow bright in the dark.

 

The fact that this travesty devolves into sub-grade Syfy-quality awfulness is completely unexpected. The director, Andrew Traucki, previously gave us the superior shark thriller “The Reef.”

 

Avoid this jungle at all cost.

 

The Stuff You Care About:

Hot chicks – No.

Nudity – No.

Gore – No.

Drug use – No.

Bad Guys/Killers – Lamesquatch.

Buy/Rent – Better yet, Burn.

 

Enemy (Lionsgate, 90 minutes, R, Blu-Ray): What a wicked web we weave when we practice to deceive. Director Denis Villeneuve channels his inner Terry Gilliam, sprinkles in some Stanley Kubrick and finishes with a glaze of David Lynch for this mind-screw, head-scratcher about a man (Jake Gyllenhaal) who discovers his doppelganger and begins to suspect that the world around him may not be what it seems. Original, haunting and possessing one of the most WTF endings in recent memory, “Enemy” punches you in the brain and lingers long after its chilling final shot.

 

Also Available:

 

300: Rise of an Empire 3D

 

Winter’s Tale

 

Fracknation

 

Blood Ties

 

Duck Dynasty: Season 5

 

I Spy: The Complete Series

 

Mama’s Family: The Complete Fourth Season

 

Rob the Mob

 

Unforgettable: The Second Season

 

Comedy Bang! Bang! – The Complete Second Season

 

Some Velvet Morning

 

What Richard Did

 

The Chef, The Actor and the Scoundrel

 

Masters of Sex: The Complete First Season

 

The Bridge: Season 1

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